8 months ago
ONE LINERS FROM A LOVING HUSBAND...
| A classic, always fun to read it again |
Red Skelton was an old timers' favourite. His humour was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humour. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
Little beverage, good food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .
3. I take my wife everywhere....
but she keeps finding her way back.
4... I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburettor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8.. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
For the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"
Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it. Those were the good old days when humour didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words, "God Bless."
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HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIES OF INDIA:
HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIES OF INDIA:
Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's MUMBAI
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Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on
their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are definitely in PUNJAB!!!
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Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.
The first two get together and beat him up.
That's DELHI
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Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly opens a Chai-stall.
That's AHMEDABAD
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Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes.
He writes a software program to stop the fight.
But the fight doesn't stop because of a virus in the program.
That's BANGALORE
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Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense..
Peace settles in...
That's CHENNAI
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Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth
and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in KOLKATA
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Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house and says,
"don't fight in front of my place, go sum where else and keep fighting".
That's KERALA!
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And the best one is ....
Scenario 9
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer.
All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home as friends.
You are in GOA!!! That is ammchi GOA…. ha
